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a month ago
maidkiti

@maidkiti

Progress? I've challenged myself recently with some stuff eating wise and I've lost some lbs but I'm both very upset with myself for not losing it fast enough and upset that my dietitians and docs are saying to go slowly. I know why they are saying. I understand the science behind it. Its technically bad to do but I want this weight off of me. I look and feel like I'm a 600 lb monster. I know no matter what someone won't like the way I look but I want to look like a normal person. This isn't normal. I can't fit my clothes well, I attract deviants and people who only want to use me, I get instantly judged for a job based on my size no matter how much makeup and styling of my hair I do... I'm doing my best even when I feel like I want to quit or have "failure" days. I just want to be a normal person. Even feeling that way is all ED related. All these feelings are ED related but it doesnt mean it's not true. The proof is in my experiences of people treating me a certain way and hurting me verbally or in their actions. If I weren't so big even when I was 50lbs lighter I still would be treated inhumanely like I am now. What is the point in all of this? I hate myself with or without any outside influence and trying to change. Sometimes I think when I'm deep in my ED things are better. Whether it's me binging, resticting and purging with success watching the numbers go down, overexcersing it... there's comfort in that but then it can easily come back after. I hate being this way. #weightloss #losingweight #weightlosstransformation #weightlossmotivation #healthylifestyle #healthyfood #weightlossprogress
megakittenmonstah

megakittenmonstah

You got this kiti!!! You are strong and beautiful!!